Chapter Index Aiddrienne Returns Ayla and Aysla Synthesis Equalising the Energies Together as One

Synthesis

My biggest difficulty was bringing together Aiddrienne and Ayla in to one conscious thought. I was still separating the two making it hard to focus on any one. The confusion was deliberate on the part of Ayla. I had to combine the two so being able to use the trusted relationship that I had built up with Aiddrienne with the pure higher being of Ayla. To try to have built a relationship initially with Ayla would have meant that foundation lessons could not have been learned. By using a projection of herself Ayla allowed me to join with someone on my level at the time, so making it easier for me. The practice of forcing me to fuse Aiddrienne with Ayla meant that I was also forming the bond directly with her. An easy idea to grasp but it was proving more difficult than I had imagined.

Meditating on the problem gave me a way into the subtleties of the situation. First I saw Aiddrienne and myself from my perspective, then panning around I saw that I was looking at the two of them from my reality. Stood next to me was Ayla; we were looking on as the other two walked off and out of sight. They seemed to represent both my vision of Aiddrienne and Aylas vision of me. We had both individually given life to a thought so that the two could meet. The first part of the meditation had been a flashback to a time when my spirit was first awakened. The second part where Ayla and I were looking on was now, both of us having discharged the resulting union of our own creation. This explained to a degree why my visions of her had always been as statues rather than animate beings. Perhaps, I mused that Ayla had always seen me through Aiddrienne as a static object, we were both too far from the source of each others creations. To take this as an experiment in crossing dimensions would make sense, the first tentative steps in creating a new reality where the imagination of a being in the third dimension (me perhaps as Aysla) meets with the imagination of a being in a far higher dimension (Ayla). For arguments sake lets call it the eighth dimension. When I had achieved an altered state I was able travel up and Ayla could travel down, however we were still not close enough to see each other fully so we projected an image of ourselves to each other. This would be the first link. When we talk to guides this is the sort of process that goes on. As thought is intrinsically a non-visible energy talking and feeling between dimensions has always been possible and a little easier than manifesting. The path we had to take may have been slightly different. For some reason we had to link in a spiritual and physical way perhaps to just prove that this was possible. It would also bring into question our physical matter and what we are made of and how it can be altered.

The end purpose was not at all clear, but it was a hell of a concept. Knowing the way in which guides can sometimes omit important things to stop us from either going too quick or backing off having not liked the ultimate intention I proceeded with my hypothesis. The next step would be to bring the source of the projections together using the link already established. I knew that I had put a lot of work into forging that link so the same must have been true for my counterpart, and energy is never wantonly wasted, so there had to be a good reason for it. I pleaded that to know the end reason would help me in performing the task (whatever that was) set out before me, "All in good time" was the reply. From past experience I knew that what this meant was that I had to have knowledge and understanding of the processes involved before the next task presented itself. I must be able to explain and demonstrate the process.

The process I presumed was the materialisation of a guide, my guide Ayla in particular. As with the automatic writing and the channelling I would be allowed to practice on my own. The pitfall with this is that being accustomed to her energy I was unaware when she was presenting herself. Again there is a method in their madness. For recognition to take place and therefore manifestation, a noticeable difference between our energies has to be perceived by me. As I was so used to her energy I would have to fine-tune my senses and abilities. The hook for me was to be able to see her in my reality, therefore validating my experiences and leading onto some other journey.

We had several joining ceremonies, the third rib bone being the most physical symbol, the most intriguing was the tattoo of an intertwined cross that ran down the spine and across the shoulders to the wrists. It was illustrated that the two dimensional drawing on both our bodies was given life when the two were joined when our bodies met. It was also a symbol that produced the complete circle when a number of us linked arms. I had half expected to wake one morning with the pattern emblazoned on my skin. These joining ceremonies that were intended to mean that we were inseparable had the effect of making me test this out. I did this without thinking as I had always been told to test and validate. The result was that I would push her away only to have to re-visualise her and bring the energy back. Initially the idea of sending her away now that I had got through seemed a bit suicidal, but had to do it to make sure that what was being intimated was true. After a number of times of doing this I felt quite safe in the knowledge that she would come back. I continued doing this retrieval for quite a while after because it was important for me to have faith in the processes going on and I knew that it would be tested later on another part of my journey.

The constant pushing away and re-visualising also had an interesting side effect; my mind began to unconsciously fudge the difference between Aiddrienne and Ayla. Sometimes they would appear simultaneously Ayla becoming the strongest one and the one I was drawn to. Ayla would appear in my mind and then I would think of Aiddrienne who would take her place. As soon as I recognised her and tried to understand the duality she would transform into Ayla. Each time they appeared to me Ayla was the most forceful and the most animated. I felt as though this was my mind understanding that I had to let go of the guide I had come to know so well to be replaced by Ayla who I was being told that I new even better. That was difficult to take in. I also knew that the merging of the visions was also an affirmation of my joining with Ayla so that she saturated me. After a week of conflicting visions and constant verification I felt a bit ragged almost to the point of giving up. Who cares who they are or which one is right? Uncommonly this had made me feel insecure; this made me aware that all was not well. I was also beginning to lose my grounding I was not too sure whether I was in spirit or buried deep in the earth. This was the state they were looking for because it is at times like that that the essence of a being comes to the fore to take over. It is a survival technique, a safety net when the mind is so confused that it calls for its inner core to help.

The weekend that this happened I had a break from circle because friends came to stay with us. Thinking that there would be little or no contact between Ayla and I it was an ideal time to spring some situation that I had to make an instant decision on forcing the choice between Aiddrienne and Ayla. I was not expecting this nor was I expecting the strange choice that I was given. Rather than Aiddrienne and Ayla it was Ayla and an unknown but strangely familiar figure. It was sprung while walking around a museum with friends so there was no possibility of discussing it in a meditation. Nothing was actually said but the two appeared in my mind's eye, separately then together, then repeated in rotation. When I thought more about the one the other would fade making me realise I could only have one or the other. They both had equally appealing qualities but one was main stream if you like the other was equally strong but had more unusual attributes, it goes without saying that they were of the highest possible forms. I thought that I was being given a choice between male and female at one point, but neither displayed an overtly sexual difference appearing as androgynous. Not at any time did they speak to me a voice just kept entering my head "Which one do you chose?"

I did not understand they were asking me to make a belief judgement, this had never been done before, they always said that peoples beliefs were not up for question. Crunch time had come, I had to end my confusion once and for all and follow the one who I thought was walking on my path. In the end I chose Ayla, it seems obvious now but at the time there was nothing to chose between them, not even my long association with Ayla seemed to matter. Even when I had made the choice I was not sure what the point of the exercise was or whether I had made the right choice but there was no time to think about it with our visitors to entertain. I felt out on a limb.

The weekend passed and the Monday circle loomed, what would happen? Still feeling ragged and floating around my consciousness like a piece of flotsam spinning round in an eddy, Aylas energy was constantly reminding me that she was there. The energy I channelled with that night was Aylas all right and at was as strong as ever. At home I grounded immediately, there was no lingering or other things to be said. I noted what had been given me in the meditation and went to bed. The choice that had been made did not come into my mind till the day after, but when it did surface a little more became clear.

Still feeling ragged I decided to go out with the dogs in the morning and work in the afternoon, I was floating and needed to get something out of my system, to step back and assess things objectively. During the walk I realised that my ego was getting in the way. I was not flowing; the conflict between Aiddrienne and Ayla was a conflict between my ego and Ayla. By me trying to re-enforce the image of Aiddrienne my ego was trying to control Ayla, so have a known quantity to deal with. Egos hate unknown quantities especially those that may be bigger than them. That is why I had to make the choice between Ayla and this other male who seemed familiar. Getting Aiddrienne out of the picture prevented my ego from overly influencing the outcome.

Working this out I was drawn to read what was given to me at circle. A member of the circle had given me a description of what she had seen. I had entered a huge church like building with an altar and throne in front of me, with a formal service in progress. Sat on the throne was a man whose name was William perhaps a king. Instead of the usual regalia he was wearing just a red cloak. The people around were all smartly dressed and a little formal. I walked in casually dressed and sauntered up to the front of the church and to the right of him there opened up a passageway. The girl said that in her meditation the light coming from the passage was blinding, like the flame of an ark weld. I walked passed the altar and into the passage.

Without too much interpretation it seemed as though I was walking past the controlling forces to the freedom of the light. Of course there may be other interpretations. At the time it was given to me I had no clue as to what it meant, but because it was the first message I had had for some time I knew it must be significant. Only when my mind had started to clear up the confusion that I had been experiencing did it make any sense. Having always tried to control my ego I was a little disconcerted. It proved how quickly we give into the comfort of our egos and forget the lesson of discrimination.

To follow the path that I had chosen I must be free to move and follow the right guide without the self causing problems, there was only room for two of us. As if to drive the message home I now became aware that my confusion had aided the ego in preventing me from getting on with the task in hand and moving on to the next step to where ever I was going. I could now test reality again and be aware what was going on around me and in me. That was good to feel after floating around in a half daze for a week. It was pointed out to me that a similar situation had arisen just before Aiddrienne had apparently left years earlier. My ego had wanted to control her keeping her static, like the statue she had become. To get over this she transmuted into one of the other names that she had been given so leaving me free to see her as she really was. Security in the wrong image leaves in its wake insecurity, which the ego can control all too easily. It seems a dichotomy but the more we grow attached to something the more insecure we really are, we feel that twinge and so want to control, we and our attachment lose the freedom to chose. Without freedom there is no unconditional love. The fear of losing something drives a wedge between the two.

I had read and intellectualised and been told and discussed unconditional love till the cows came home, but it never really sunk in until I was given that choice between Ayla and my ego. I hoped I hadnt blown it, there would be an absorbing period and once understood we would continue if all was well. It is easy to see in hindsight that I had been led to face this situation to ensure that both them and I knew where we stood. It seems that the further you go down the path the more seriously the purity of the commitment is questioned, always leaving a free choice.

The tattoos that I mentioned earlier had not been ratified or confirmed as yet. Up to now they had not sat comfortably, they had bothered me or more likely bothered my ego. I would have to wait to see what transpired. But why had it bothered me so much? Surely the exchanging of rib ceremony was a gesture of my commitment but it was something that was hidden and therefore not discernible to the casual observer. The tattoo if manifested in some way was an outward declaration of my belief I would have to face that. In no way did I believe that I would actually have a tattoo, but I knew I would have to accept ownership of it when the sign was given. Not only would I have to earn the right to own it but I would also have to earn the situation that would provide that proof of ownership.

If I had been in any doubt before that what I was entering into was serious then this depth of soul searching banished all doubts. Never had I had been so pushed to understand the right message or been opened up so much. Guides know what is going on but they want us to confirm and follow through with the goods. We have to extract the truth however painful. Our conditioning by the ego is so deep that we have to be made to recognise it and pull it out by the roots. I was now realising why so many ancient orders advocate long periods of meditation and retreating from society banishing worldly effects and influences. The struggle starts from within and until that has been resolved then all that the worldly influences do is add to the problems. Most of us do not feel the need to shut ourselves away from society we must learn in other ways so that we can be of use to and use the societies we live in along our journey to where ever it is we are going.

At last I felt real and balanced again after all the heady thoughts that had filled my mind giving my ego a chance to undermine my confidence and make me doubt the validity of the situations that I had been experiencing. The absurdity of thinking that I had sole control over what might happen or where I was going. The subtle differences between the two visions I had to choose between in the museum illustrated to me the power of the ego, but it also showed me a technique to fine tune the senses. I did not want to go through that difficult choice again though. The vibrations between Ayla and my ego were so close because I was so used to both of them. It showed me how deep I was getting into my essence and the amount of care that I must exhibit. On a positive note this exercise proved that I could distinguish the subtle differences in the energies which meant that I could recognise the difference between Aylas energy and mine. Perhaps this would lead to a manifestation. A plateau had been reached the ground beneath my feet was firm again ready for the next climb.

There are many people travelling along the path and each one has his or her way of getting there. This is our own truth with its own system and customised way of working toward the chosen purpose. We all have a specific role to play each being as valid as the next. As we exist in our consciousness we have to learn our own lessons and find the direction for ourselves. This makes our personal journey a very special one; we have to do our own research on ourselves. Its no good being told what is happening if we dont feel it. Many paths touch and are similar which allows for verification with others, that is a great boost to confidence, knowing that we are on the right track. One of my greatest boosts was to be given a message from another group of guides, via one of their instruments. She said that they were fascinated by my journey. It does not seem much but it was enough to show that I was making progress. Small as the message was it also proved that what I was trying to do was a reality outside my experience, otherwise how could another group of guides have picked it up.

It proved to be of great help in carrying on, it meant that I was not going off course so I could walk headlong into it. Sitting on this plateau I was reminded of the duality of body and spirit, how we are so attached to our bodies that we limit our mind to what we think our body is capable of. This is a very similar dilemma to that of the ego and the id. I had managed to choose the right way in the museum so now I had to choose the right way to achieve the conscious crossing of dimensions. When I had been flying for a long time it was easy to latch onto the threads of information and hoist myself up. In the cold light of day this had to be understood and replicated, I had to come up with the goods. I had hit a block, my spirit said it was possible and my mind said no way. Some serious delving had to be done to reverse the conditioning of a lifetime. Starting with a long meditation to give flight to some of my ideas gave me a little help in understanding what may be going wrong.

The meditation took the form of following Ayla. Each time I thought of my physical body I would slip back behind her. She told me that I would have to have a different view of the physical dimension than I did now if I was to follow her. How could I have a different view it was my body it was very real to me. There was the stumbling block, we are constantly aware of the physical because we touch feel and see. These are easy being so immediate that we take them for granted and therefore the only absolute in our lives. Whether we are king or pauper we can touch our own skin and know it is ours and that we have touched it. There are very few if any that cannot do this. If everyone could see touch and feel the spirit then we would all take that for granted too, which would lead us to touch feel and see guides and other spirits.

I wanted to use my physical eyes to see as well as use my third eye of the subtle body. Not only that I was thinking that if I could see Ayla then others would be able to see her too. Which would prove to others and me the possibility of crossing the great divide. I could validate her presence because other people felt her while I was channelling and without prompting told me things she had said that only she and I knew about, like carrying me to the alter after my first question and answer session. For the time being I would have to disregard the physical bit and work on the spirit.

Continuing in the meditation I became aware of my body going to sleep as usual. To check this I tried to move it and it would not budge. My heart rate was slow and steady. The vision in my head was one of intense light and a feeling of being lifted up. I heard Ayla say that I could open my eyes, at first I did not want to, meditation with my eyes open was not normal practice. Eventually I did but nothing major happened. I could not move my body at all and my eyes responded very slowly to my commands. As I stared at the ceiling I became aware of patches of red and blue dots in my peripheral vision. Thinking that this may because I was staring I blinked, they were still there. In the cause of certain meditation techniques involving staring at candles I was aware that the eyes and mind would play tricks. These spots of colour were new to me; it felt as though I was beginning to pick up fragments of an image or perhaps seeing with physical eyes the energy around me. I could be sure of nothing. I needed to forget the physical conditioning. The whole thing sounded rather odd. Why was I so obsessed with an idea outside our apparent ability and consciousness?

My philosophy on guides and the physical plane had been that they were there to help us on our journey, the world being like a giant playground where we leaned and earned, there was no thought of trying to merge the two. This would completely change the whole nature of life on earth. If I could physically see guides at will what difference would it make if any? They dont like being treated like sideshows so there would have to be a good reason for it. Was all this just my own truth and nobody elses? Or was it all in my mind a fanciful idea to keep me amused on a Wednesday afternoon? There was always the other possibility that it was to put me off guard so that I would do something that consciously I wouldnt even attempt.

What if I was able to project an image with my minds eye and see it with my physical eye at the same time, have sort of double vision? Whether it had anything to do with guides or not it would be amazing anyway. Once a technique had been developed to do it then guides could make use it. Of course I would need help and a good deal of energy flowing through me to achieve it. If it was possible to feel the energy it was possible to see it. Images received by our brain are after all just particles of light. I was being made aware of a possibility and I knew never to rule anything out. For the time I was doing all this thinking I had also forgotten that there were forces in other dimensions trying to help me out. Ayla had been silent for quite a while or I was not listening anymore wrapped up in myself? Aysla had not been mentioned for a while either. Too many questions and not enough answers.

I was looking too hard. If it was going to happen then it would just happen.

This bit of encouragement let me know that I wasnt doing anything wrong, and there was the clue about the fear. I was in logic mode and no amount of airy-fairy writing was going to push me out of it. As usual I was being too hard on the system and myself. I felt like giving up, but I knew that I couldnt I had agreed and accepted to do whatever needed to be done. While talking to my girlfriends sister about people mistaking sets of numbers for other numbers I heard Ayla say, "If you abuse the power I will never see you again". I said, "What abuse what are you on about?" She laughed like a drain, and I laughed out loud. Luckily Trace had just said something funny so my laughter fitted in. Ayla said, "I cant not see you, remember the third rib. Take a long look and dont be so intense."

That night I could not feel much energy around. Still believing that it was because there was none rather than me being used to it I started writing in the hope that some help would be given. Writing down the event s of the day the following came out.

You are loosing you fear; you cannot see me until it has gone it is a real turn off. Fear is the biggest bad grounding activity there is. If you saw me now we would not be able to continue because all the energy would be lost on your side by your grounding fear. Let me explain the difference between the grounding. Fear grounding draws all your energy downwards and this brings your higher vibrations too low to connect. Proper grounding draws energy up meeting the energy coming down and balances the two. See I am closer than you thought. I have been here all the time you have to move upwards with me for more to happen. How do I do that? You let go of all your fear. Trust me totally you will not come to any harm, you will feel between the two. Remember that night that the energy was feelable, you had no fear then, and it was being masked by something else to prove that it was possible. Now you have to work with your emotions not against them. You do not need your body to tell you I am about just use your mind, you are wasting a lot of energy getting worked up It is a natural process just resist it but not me. Try to leave your character out of it. Do not be embarrassed about it you will have others to verify you do not need to do it yourself OK. Let yourself go, have no restraints, the energy flows well and you lose less by being relaxed. The spirit always causes a few physical signs after that it is your verification. I understand that you do not want to appear not of truth, but you have to trust me totally. Believe in your connection. Right first the physical part is you connecting with your own channel, once that is established you can talk to me then I can talk to you and the others. Just loose the emphasis on thinking that it is all me. You will have less fear realising that you have moved up to meet me, it is then of your control. As soon as you loose your physical thoughts your body stops acting like it has been plugged into the mains because we have equal vibrations on a level, therefore no rush as energy falls from one to another. How do you think we met? You met me on a level that we both could exist on 7+1. As you learn to vibrate higher we both move up. And others feel energy because there is a bigger difference between the levels. If they dont, it means that they are vibrating higher as well, not that you are not achieving and touching me. Your channel becomes purer so there is less angst between you and the physical, you then see me. Try it.

 © Phil Ironside