Chapter Index Earning and Learning Belief Systems Conflict Resolved No Apparent Conflict What - No Alcohol Flying and Grounding

What No Alcohol

A complex cycle in my life unfolded when I gave up alcohol. For years I had enjoyed drinking, either socially or at home. It got me out of the routine of daily life, helped me to forget the stresses and strains of the day and sometimes gave me a different aspect on a problem. Unfortunately it became a habit; I relied on alcohol to make me feel all was well. I even deluded myself that when I was drinking I was in touch with the real me. It was true that it gave me more confidence on occasions or calmed me down when life was turning rough, but seeing the real me was only part of the picture it was not balanced. For the most part, it did not seem to effect my progression in fact I was sure that it helped. Towards the end of the cycle, I was not getting so much enjoyment out of it. The social highs that had accompanied drinking were rare and any insight from altering my perspective through it had long since vanished. I had always done it, being part of my life I continued. Even when there were signs that it was time to break the cycle I did not associate them with drinking, I looked everywhere but the obvious. Denying all pointers until I had to give in to what my body was saying to me drinking was part of the lies and deception. Little did I know that I was about to break a circle, thoughts of doing this and why we do it had been tucked away for a while.

I had started to read books on Egypt and ancient civilizations, it gave me a feeling that perhaps I was not wasting my life. Eventually my spirit began to emerge giving me the odd tap on the shoulder to remind me it was still there. My brain seemed to wake up and was thirsty for knowledge, had I been depriving it of sustenance? Drinking then began to cloud my vision; it annoyed me that I could not read as well when my mind was off balance slightly. As I was coming round to the idea that the drinking had to go, one night in bed as I was preparing to slip into sleep I audibly heard a voice say 203, I sat bolt upright my mind whirred, blinking my eyes as if to test reality. My head froze and I was aware of a presence in the room. Believing it was a guide I felt more at ease and guessed that the sound had been in my head. I was wrong and as if to illustrate the point I heard a word that to this day I cant remember, it began with C. Now fully awake and plugged in, events of the past months made sense. Memories of channeling from years ago popped into my mind like someone opening a filing cabinet and showing me a document. I needed to complete the cycle and get some answers. If anyone had suggested this a couple of weeks earlier my reaction would have been, seen it, done it, got the T-shirt.

The last time I had attended circle was on 21^st August 1992, it had just petered out. The center was still there but I was not sure whether a circle was still running. I telephoned Alan, the owner, and explained a little that had gone on. "Thats funny," He said "we have just started a circle, a lady called Jane is running it Im sure you would be most welcome to come along". This I did and felt the same energies I had before. My self-development accelerated and I started to break cycles, starting with my drinking habits.

All I did was to give up drinking alcohol. Not being an alcoholic meant that the addiction was not too strong, but the ridicule that I thought that I would get from friends was more of a block than in reality it was. To my surprise, many friends said that they wished they could do it but.... We limit ourselves by putting up excuses. As soon as, I stopped drinking the next task became clear, I had to replace it with something else. Having more spare money from cutting out drink meant I was able to buy a computer to occupy myself with, which in turn got my creative juices going eventually prompting me to change jobs. The whole process took over a year and a half, each circle broken showed me the next step.

During the whole time it was important for me to deal which each new situation faced with conviction, believing that I was going in a certain direction whether or not the perceived end goal was right or not. In this way, my mind was on the task in hand and not worrying about the if, buts and maybes. Almost making me have to trust that what I was doing at any particular time was correct and would fit into the overall plan. Whatever strength was needed was highlighted and given to me as long as I was aware enough to use the help offered.

I was now in contact with a guide and asked what I should be doing next. He said to trust but I wanted was a glimpse of what was going on. He said that if he told me that, I would only go off trying to do it straight away and mess everything up, learn from your experience he said, so I had to trust. There had not been any chatter from guides for a long time before then because if there had of been I would not have concentrated on the task in hand. I did not recognize Aiddrienne as a guide; I still thought that she was me being fanciful.

You can appreciate that if I had been told the end result I may have tried to achieve it first so missing the tools and materials that I needed to achieve the right result. On any path this process is on going, but the more we trust the less anxiety of not knowing becomes. It was also important that I was doing it, not being prompted by guides or anything. I did talk to people about my experiences but they were all in the past now. Channeling what? No not me.

My development at circle continued, starting where I had left off. I thought the first time in meditation would be mediocre, perhaps I would see colours or nothing at all would occur. To my amazement the visions were very vivid full of symbolism and wonderful to see again. The group was totally different to the one that I had left. The style was more spirit orientated with less emphasis on guides and psychotherapy imagery. We used inspirational cards, flowers and objects for a focus sometimes. This prevented me from comparing the two groups and put less pressure on me to develop. The group had been running a few months and to most of the other members I was a new kid on the block.

I hinted about my earlier experiences but tried not to get too enthusiastic in case anyones expectations were raised to high or I was asked any awkward questions. Thinking that they were not really relevant to the group I kept those heady days under wraps. As time went on my recollections of the past grew stronger and I found myself talking about them at every opportunity. I both enjoyed recounting the tales and became fearful that they may return, for reasons unknown at the time the idea of channelling and having a guide again made me come out in a cold sweat.

Over the past four years I had got rid of a lot of fear in my life and I knew the only way to deal with it was to walk straight into it. Guides were not a part of my vocabulary so I fooled myself into thinking that my path lay in another direction. If I was to be used as a channel again I was going to be in control and treat the whole experience as just an extension of my mind. I was asked on several occasions to do psychometric off the cuff rather than taking the object into meditation, which I did without a problem. Gaining confidence from this I accepted any challenge that came up, still not thinking that it was particularly spiritual or that other forces were acting through me, I was just having fun.

Others in the group began to ask me questions about guides and what I knew of the spirit world. I answered them and realised that I did know a lot about the subject with the experience to go with it. The obvious question to ask next was whether I was going to channel again. My answer was always a laugh followed by "Well that was ages ago, it was part of my learning curve".

On many occasions I did feel the signs of a voice channel coming on. No this could not happen again I had gone through all that before, it was a distant memory. Those were days of strange realities they can only happen once I was sure that I understood the illusions. Any way they had all been in my mind hadnt they? The reality was that I was frightened, I did not want to believe that what happened over seven years ago had been a real experience. It would be admitting that I had been wrong for all this time. Admitting a mistake that big was hard for my ego to swallow.

The last time I felt that I was going to voice channel I aborted at the last minute, scrambling back over the cliff, this being recognition of my control over the situation. I had to be sure what was going on. I had no belief in all that stuff now; it had been a tool to heal myself that was all. I was in total control of my mind and emotions but I had started to feel the presence of a blonde haired woman in the meditations. Each time I found myself walking into her, then walking out again. I dismissed it as more mind games to induce a deep meditative state, which it did. This feeling of walking in and out of things happened with trees then with Morgan. Morgan! Where had he sprung from? I had always trusted his authority, to recognise him was to recognise the existence of guides another subtle trick was working. Inevitably I channelled and I was as surprised and as scared as I had been the first time. I felt as though I had come full circle.

The frequency of the channels increased but I would not recognise who was coming through me. It may be happening but I did not want to go through all that learning and earning that would accompany the development of my channel. Happy to keep my spirituality to circle, situations that arose outside those confines I treated as a part of my physical life. Not wanting to give guides the excuse to influence my life I gave no thought to coincidences that happened, refusing to connect them with my spiritual path. This actually helped my development because I was not looking for out of body experiences or strange psychic goings on.

Purification, light and the path of earning and learning were all I needed to follow my quest. Straight forward enough, now I had to integrate all this into my life, but how. We cannot wander around our worlds in a constant spiritual daze. Pleasant as this is the body needs physical nourishment and a shelter to live in as well as the spirit. I knew all this from before I was just playing the game again. My thoughts became ever more serious and try as I might I could not deny that there were things I had to look at again. The following piece was done in circle while doing an inspirational writing exercise. I went along with it and was surprised at how interested I became in the content.

This seemed to cover all eventualities and leave the field wide open. At the time of writing this a service that I aspire to provide was not apparent to me, a classic case for Remember when.... syndrome later. Many chanellings often appear to be vague when first heard they could apply to anything or anyone. Each person who reads them however always sees something different to the next person. They notice and digest the piece of knowledge or information that is important to them at that particular time. This is why the punctuation is very often strange or non-existent. Punctuation gives words a particular meaning, like inflections and pauses in every day conversation. To punctuate is to interpret one of the messages hidden in the text. As with some affirmations the reason that they are so powerful is that the logical mind cannot quite fathom the meaning. The more obscure the longer our minds will take dwelling on each word to understand the message. Here there can be a clue as to what we need help on. The more difficult a phrase or paragraph is to comprehend intellectually or grammatically indicates that there is a lesson or a word of wisdom within that passage. Very often, we blame the guides or source of the channeling asking, "Why cant they just speak English?". The odd way in which a sentence is structured can help our memories to remember essential feelings, which can be recalled when the situation requires them. Our annoyance with the way that words have been strung together again indicates where we should look first for our inspiration or pointer in the right direction.

From the channeling above - Act on the path that most fits, to falter, indecision becomes your enemy. As it reads here this phrase could mean, go down the path that is most comfortable, to become indecisive the options become cloudy and so judgement is impaired. However rearrange some of the punctuation - Act on the path that most fits to falter. Indecision becomes your enemy. This phrase is now suggesting acting on the path that you seem to falter on; indecision is proof of help needed. People will pick on the phrase that is most pertinent to them at the time. I did not think I was picking up on anything.

For me the most powerful and the most annoying, sometimes frightening affirmation that we need to look at a particular thought process or conditioning is when anger and denial raises its head. We see in others a reflection of ourselves, disliking someone or a part of someone can indicate that we dislike that particular trait in ourselves. I will illustrate this from a message given to me in circle by a fellow member. She said that she had seen in her meditation an agitated gray haired man who told her to tell me that I should not be so intolerant. That I had been given the opportunity to work through the process repeatedly but was not listening and nothing was going to move until I had learned. My first reaction was me, intolerant, how ridiculous I always listen. Whoops, what a give away. As soon as I said these words to myself I understood I was not too sure what I had to look at, but I knew it was for me. Earlier in my life, it would have taken days to admit that I was being intolerant over some issue or other. Pretending that the message for me had been mixed up with somebody elses, I would have ignored it. I was getting interested in the processes again.

The reason for my intolerance was apparent on many levels. Once I delved into it the problems were solved and the answers flowed up and down the line. At each level, the lessons learnt pointing towards the next area of disharmony. Primarily the first thing that sprung to mind was concerning work. At the time, I was working with two older men at a wholesale nursery. Our job was general maintenance. Both men had spent a long time on the land and had a lot of practical knowledge together with a sometimes-belligerent way of putting ideas across. This had got me down and made me angry. I was intolerant of their age and experience. What did they know? To me all they were doing was making life more difficult and in any case, they must be wrong half the time they did not have any spiritual or psychological appreciation of what they were doing or who I was. I believed they were intolerant, not me.

My intolerance had blinded me to the fact that what they said and how they arrived at what they thought was part of a learning process. I was aware of these learning processes in a spiritual sense but not always carried them through into my physical life. Here was the point I was missing, because of prejudice I was not seeing the valid beliefs that they held, being discriminate just to feed my ego and prop up my assumption that I was right. Understanding this problem was mine I started to ask more questions as to why they did what they did. It also gave me a space to explain my ideas better. Soon the blinkers were lifted, our work improved and the intolerance left me. I was also blinding myself over other things.

Filtering through from this I started to examine other areas where this intolerance might have crept in. Never imagining that guides may have guided me to examine these things, I carried on investigating. That dog with his spiritual bone had been and gone and dug it up again. I began to think again, a very dangerous thing to do. Although I had intellectually solved the problem of so many different seemingly conflicting religions and beliefs existing on the same planet, it had not really been absorbed or put into practice. I still thought that being aware of a concept was the same as knowing it, so how could I be intolerant of it. Easy I had been dismissing them not appreciating them fully and missing the point, only applying lessons to areas of my life where it was convenient and where I did not have to think or work to hard.

The answer to the work problem above could not have just been given. I would not have learned the process. I had to earn it by putting the knowledge into practice, and then it was given together with a whole load of things that had not dawned previously that had to sort out. I often wondered about these sudden dawnings and realizations, where did they come from? There was no contact with Aiddrienne, but I still referred to writing that she had done and many times, it proved to be of use in working problems out. I was earning and learning effect before cause. Even after reading the channels and understanding how they had helped me, I still denied her existence.

As usual, there are always several ways of looking at ideas. In my experience, I have found that the number of viewpoints increases continually until they are exhausted. One learning experience offering the key to many conundrums and problems. This is the basis of the statement all can be learnt from one. In my case sometimes I think it is more like nothing can be learned from anything. I was back at circle and feeling the energies again, trying to learn from my earlier experiences when my spirit first awoke and caused all those emotional problems.

Emotional highs, hitting the wall, the glass ceiling and trying to give up all play their part in the earning and learning process. Once the path is embarked on we might slow it down or suspend it but we can never escape from it. I was slowly learning this. Even when we think we have stopped learning or finished a section do not underestimate the possibility that it will all be thrown back in our faces. "Look at me you didnt see me did you? Before you move on you will have to get past me first." One of these nasty little blocks will say. It is not so bad as I paint it here though. In fact after a while it becomes good fun pitting your wits against yourself. With each hurdle overcome, they become less of a hurdle more like old friends to sort problems out with. It is not consciously obstructive.

There is always help at hand either from friends and fellow travelers or from spirit guides, whose form may take any shape size creed or color. This all depends what you are most receptive to; pointless to have a guide form which you have no empathy with. I know a lot of people who profess not to have any guides at all, but will look for answers in the animal kingdom, in dreams or from memories of loved ones who have passed on. I was professing all sorts of things now and was still a little confused but someone was giving me guidance. Whichever methods we use it is only an opportunity for inspiration to flow to us or through us from a higher source when we need help.

There are no set rules to how we find what we want or need. My biggest surprise was finding out that I was looking for something again. Like a huge slap across the face with a wet kipper when Aiddrienne came into my life. I am sure I cannot remember asking for her, which is what made me believe so much, I did not expect it. My conscious spiritual life was only just beginning then and I had no idea what was going on. I should have recognized the signs now, but perhaps I was not supposed to.

Contact with others who had similar experiences opened the doors of the emotional floodgates, now I had to work. Remember at all times that a sense of humor is paramount. If you do not have one, I can assure you that you will develop one. Humor breaks down barriers, stops us being too serious and disappearing up our own oratories and proves our sanity. When I had been working on myself and on my own, guides would say something I would react being very serious then there would be a pause followed by hysterical laughter. Eventually I got the message. I am not surprised they got their own back as I did give them a lot of grief sometimes. "What do you expect Im only human I cant be so damn clever as you lot." I would shout looking up at the skies after a telling off for some misdemeanor. I am sure they were chuckling to themselves now.

Working on my own, it was easy to recognize feelings and be oh so purposeful, hypothesizing which block to work on and dreaming up ways of putting my life in order. After all I was used to this game and it was a bit of fun. Doing this and staying grounded when other peoples energy is about is somewhat more difficult. All the subtle energy changes that I felt during solitary meditation became blurred and the incredibly feeling of getting high with others became a drug again. Each individuals vibration differs from the next, although there are similarities. However, it is possible for the vibes to have the same resonance as universal energy flows through each body. Recognizing that it is this universal energy and not a creation of the bodies concerned is an easy mistake to be made. It is also apart of the learning and earning or is it re-earning and learning.

 © Phil Ironside